Here it is 3 am and I can't sleep. Will probably in an hour or so. Haven't felt like myself lately. Worrying about things like bills, having money to make it through the month, how Anna is going to make things work for herself, school for her, job and school for Brian, and what to do with myself. Brian is trying so hard to get a job and following all the instructions to getting jobs, just nothing is panning out. He still tries to make me smile.
I want to do what's right, get bills paid, find something to occupy my time, earn a little extra money to subsidize projects and needs. Right now I can't even go to the doctor, because I don't have the money nor anyone to borrow from. I don't want to borrow money. I feel embarrassed if I can't pay it back. Is this what my world has become?
It wasn't all that long ago, when I taught art in a school and was able to take care of my daughter and me. I could buy the foods we wanted, have gas money as needed, pay my bills, and do things with friends because we could afford it. Now I can't do that. I pay immediate bills, I buy only the foods we absolutely need, I scrounge for gas money to get to places, and I can't enjoy going out, because we can't afford it.
I'm painting, weaving, and working on other projects to make a little extra money. I've been writing articles for yahoo and hubpages to add a little money. Just doesn't seem enough. My counselor is making suggestions for me to try that should help. I'm just not making enough items to sell right now. It's hit or miss...somethings are slow while others are kind of quick.
Well, going to try to sleep. It's going for 4, and I need some rest. Everyone will be dancing circles around me if I don't. Ta ta for now.
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